Wednesday 3 April 2019

BRAPA Special : The 5th Year Anniversary Quiz (How BRAPA Are You?)

5th April 2019 marks five years since BRAPA officially began in that most logical of Good Beer Guide places to start - the Albion in Ampthill, Bedfordshire.  AKA : the first pub in the guide.  (And I'm delighted to report, it has been every year since).

So just for fun, I thought I'd delve through the archives and set you a 'quick' 30 question multi-choice quiz to see how well you know BRAPA.  Answers are at the bottom but have a go, and see where you rank on the BRAPA scale of pub customer ......

Comment below if you can to let me know how you did!

1.  What was the 'working title' of BRAPA back in Jan 2014 when I was inventing the challenge?
a) Si's Aleway Adventure
b) The Big 4500
c) Insanity

2. On my first trip, Ampthill to Bedford, the bus broke down, but what was the cause?
a) Bus caught fire
b) An oil leak
c) Bus got bored of being in Bedfordshire and went to sleep

3. For the first year of blogging, Tom Irvin was the only person who left comments, but what pseudonym did he use?
a) Phil Parkinson
b) Phil Brown
c) Phil Collins

4. My first BRAPA holiday was on the Isle of Wight, but why was my pub ticking cut cruelly short?
a)  I sprained my ankle
b) Hull City got to the FA Cup Final
c) The ghost of Queen Victoria met me in Osborne House and told me BRAPA didn't amuse her.

5. An early midweek after work trip to Bradford saw my taxi driver lost trying to find a pub called Haigys.  Who helped us with directions?
a) A lollipop lady
b) A pigeon fancier called Julie
c) A 'lady of the night'

6. And as he charged me £12.50 for the journey, what did he recommend that she had to offer for just a tenner with absolutely no sense of the irony of the situation?
a) A free share in Brewdog
b) Chance to sponsor an underprivileged pigeon
c) A blowjob

7. Whose husband did I accidentally push in front of at the bar in a rural Bucks pub in Penn Street?
a) Delia Smith
b) Mary Berry
c) Nigella Lawson

8. BRAPA would only recommend one radio station, but what is it called?
a) Silent
b) Solent
c) Violent

9. In the very early days of BRAPA, how did I decide what pubs/area to do each Saturday?
a) Close my eyes and stick a pin in a map
b) Get friends and work colleagues to roll a dice
c) Open the GBG at a random page and choose a place on that page

10. Which of these legendary Scottish entities did I not believe existed for the first 2 years of BRAPA?
a) The Loch Ness Monster
b) Heroin Battered Offal Shortbread
c) Duncan Mackay

11.  My blog first became noticed by the 'outside world' by 'influential pub types' over 8 months after I started, but what controversial incident sparked it?
a) A man took a poo on the floor in Maidenhead 'Spoons
b) A frog jumped into my pint of Charles Wells in a rural Beds beer garden
c) A famous heritage Stockport pub refused to let me and Dad sit down as we weren't dining.

12. I first became aware of Martin Taylor when he said 'nice photo' of which pub I was visiting.
a) Bricklayers Arms, Luton
b) Old Hunters Lodge, Whipsnade
c) Bass Towers Brewshop and Kitchen, Waterbeach

13. It may surprise you to know I haven't always used a green highlighter, but what colour highlighter pen did I use in 2014?
a) Yellow
b) Pink
c) Yellow OR Pink.

14. Wetherspoons trips are always made more pleasurable by having a seemingly endless supply of 50p off vouchers far exceeding the ones CAMRA send me each year, but why?
a) Tim Martin pays me in them to write nice things about his pubs
b) I built a special BRAPA immigration point at Dover to keep out the fuzzy-wuzzies.
c) Pub Curmudgeon sends me most of his vouchers too.

15. Which of these pub chains which I was totally unaware of pre-BRAPA do I find the most disheartening?
a) Brunning & Price
b) Ember
c) Antic

16. Before BRAPA 'officially' started on 5.4.14, how many of the 2014 Good Beer Guide entries had I actually already ticked as a result of football matches, gigs, random days out etc?
a) 202
b) 302
c) 402

17. Which of these pub traits most set my teeth on edge?
a) Bar blockers
b) Those little jam jars showing the colour of the ale
c) Bookcase wallpaper

18.  'Twild' has perhaps become the most famous BRAPA 'glossary' term.  It was invented by accident by my friend Lisa, when she got caught between trying to describe a mutual acquaintance's toddler  as a 'twat' and 'child'.  But what else characterised this original twild?
a) It had ginger hair
b) It gave my sister an evil stare in Tesco
c) Both of the above

19. One of the weirdest pub customer behaviours I've ever witnessed was an old man eating Whiskers cat biscuits out of a packet in a rather smart but bland pub on the outskirts of which city?
a) Birmingham
b) Sheffield
c) Manchester

20.  Which of these are my favourite pub snack which allow me to drink on average 1.25 extra pints and stay more sober if I binge on them steadily throughout the day?
a) Pork pie
b) Sausage roll
c) Scotch Egg

21. I once made a BRAPA taxi journey a lot more awkward (and expensive) than it needed to by comparing my Good Beer Guide to what?
a) The Quran
b) The Bible
c) War & Peace

22. Which of these pub additions can make a pub 7.6% better, according to a 2017 BRAPA survey?
a) An range of 15 real ales
b) A random pile of logs near a woodburner
c) A pub cat.

23. In one of the most classic BRAPA visits ever, Judgey Jesus stopped me nicking some Spanish girls olives .... but in what brilliant London pub was this?
a) Cross Keys, Covent Garden
b) Harp, Charring Cross
c) Victoria, Paddington

24. Why do I extract the Brewery Section from the Good Beer Guide each year
a) For practicality / ease of transportation
b) Because I have a total disregard for microbrewers
c) Because I love cutting stuff with a Stanley Knife

25. When the March Hare in Dunton, Beds, failed to open at the time advertised, what did I do?
a) Had a wee in the front garden in protest
b) Sat on the road in the village and refused to move for oncoming traffic
c) Knocked on the landlady's house door and asked her why she hadn't opened yet.

26. In one of the worst BRAPA experiences ever (Clarence, Bury), we were moved for diners and Tom was charged £3.80 for a pint of blackcurrant, but what did Father BRAPA say to the man about to start his lunch as we departed in disgust?
a) Enjoy your namby pamby nachos
b) Enjoy your fart arse ponce burger
c) Fuck off and die tossface, but enjoy your yummy looking lunch first

27.  The owner of a micropub once didn't like my unfavourable review and explained "I'm not a performing monkey", but in what town was it situated?
a) Hartlepool
b) Middlesbrough
c) Seaton Sluice

28. What is the most nervous I've ever been on the approach to a BRAPA tick in case it wasn't open?
a) Anchor, Anchor, Shropshire
b) Five Miles From Anywhere Inn, Upware, Cambs
c) Crown, Lofthouse, North Yorks

29. "I'm going to firebomb your 'ouse!" This classic line was witnessed in a particularly aggressive but also crap Ember Inn as staff and customers fell out on the outskirts of which West Midlands stronghold?
a) West Bromwich
b) Wolverhampton
c) Walsall

30.  "He's one of those people you either love or hate, just like marmalade".  This classic line was overheard in a great pub in which legendary West Yorkshire town.
a) Castleford
b) Pontefract
c) Wakefield

Scroll down for answers .........


1. b / 2. b. / 3. a / 4. b / 5. c / 6. c / 7. b / 8. b / 9. b / 10. c / 11. c / 12. b / 13. c / 14. c.  15. b / 16. c

17. a / 18. c / 19. b / 20. c / 21. a / 22. c / 23. c / 24.  a / 25. c / 26. b / 27. b / 28. a / 29. b /30. a.

How did you do?

26-30. BRAPA King - you may has well take the reins from me, you really know your stuff!

21-25 Impressive Barmaid - I like you.  You run the pub with an iron fist, take no crap from the crazy locals, but are friendly, helpful and approachable too.

16-20.  Shady Local - Well done!  I was a bit scared of you when I walked in, but you've said a couple of amusing things to me, let me take a photo, and let me BRAPsplain.  Thanks.

11-15.  Lolloping Pub Dog - You are certainly no twog, you in fact add to the atmosphere of the pub, but you keep farting and dribbling on the wooden boards, and I'm worried I'm going to slip in your saliva.

6-10.  Pub comedian - Oh yes, you think you are funny don't you?  To be fair, pubs need characters like you.  But you don't mind if I don't make any eye contact and gradually edge away do you?

0-5 - Random Pile of Logs - You are just there, stacked into a shelf, for what?  Decor?  Give the air that we are in somewhere rustic when we all know full well it is a restaurant in disguise, probably in the south east.  You're never going to go on the fire, I'm not sure this pub even has one. 


  1. I've always wanted to be a random pile of logs.

    I bet Dave wins.

  2. Actually, got 25, so you get to keep being BRAPA.Better on the earlier ones before I just started looking at the pictures. 16 was a lucky guess.

    Shamefully, I misplaced Judgey Jesus and would probably misplace Angry Babe now. Also assumed the monkey micro was in Hartlepool, you tricked us.

    Can you do another 30 just on the last post ?

    1. Ah yes, the monkey micro was actually a red herring! Well done though, 25 will take some beating. I knew Jesus was buried in the mists of time, and I thought Angry Babe (Eagle & Child, Whitefield) was best avoided til the 10th year anniversary!

    2. Hopefully you're getting repeat views of your classic old posts. I just reminded myself of the Dr Phil episode. As you've said,the least enjoyable of the Boro micros.

      And the "if I was a prostitute I'd be happy to come here line" is still one of your greatest.

      Tempted to share it with the Chinese girl you annoyed in Bath if I see her so she knows how close she came to greatness.

  3. Impressive Barmaid! Though I admit Shady Local would be more appropriate.

    1. Great effort Chris, you are not a random pile of logs and that is all anyone can really ask from life.

    2. I wanted to be a random pile of logs. I think I could do a far better job of it than most of the idiots employed in the role in Ember. Instead, I am an impressive barmaid. Sadly probably better than most Ember examples of them as well, come to think of it.

      It is an honour to equal the great Martin Taylor at any pub related activity. I also wouldn't want to take over the reigns, my red pen has enough to do as it is.

  4. Excellent quiz! At least I scored 5 more than the expected number had I randomly guessed. I will continue to fart and dribble, which history has revealed to be somewhat accurate. I will study for the 10 yr quiz.

  5. I think farting and dribbling are my strong points anyways. Hopefully by the 10th anniversary random quiz I'll zoom up to Shady Local!

  6. Nobody told me there'd be an exam. I should have studied more instead of drinking in pubs....

  7. "Answers are at the bottom but have a go, and see where you rank on the BRAPA scale of pub customer "

    This is what greets me after not commenting for almost two weeks?

    Oh, well, I'll give it a go:

    1 - b
    2 - b (and no, that's not Hamlet)
    3 - b (I'm starting to see a trend to my answers)
    4 - b (wonky leg bits never seem to stop you now so I'm assuming they didn't back then)
    5 - c (couldn't resist that guess)
    6 - c (no comment)
    7 - b (that actually rings a bell from one of your other posts)
    8 - c (from the taste of your music)
    9 - b (at least that way they'd be semi-local picks)
    10 - c (I've seen Nessie) :)
    11 - c
    12 - c (cause he lives close to there doesn't he?)
    13 - b (because Martin made you change once he knew who you were)
    14 - c
    15 - a (tough one that, but I went with supercilious tw*ts)
    16 - b (when in doubt, choose b)
    17 - a
    18 - c (never trust a ginger)
    19 - a (that sounds like a Brummie thing) :)
    20 - b
    21 - a :)
    22 - c (that's why Mudgie gives you his vouchers)
    23 - a (purely a guess but I remember the incident)
    24 - a
    25 - a (it sounds like something I'd do)
    26 - a (but b was a close second)
    27 - a
    28 - b (I'm going by the name on that one)
    29 - b (when in doubt...)
    30 - c (just to mix it up a bit)

    And with that I'm not even going to scroll down. I'll return on Saturday to see how I did and comment further. :)


    1. I think you’re just a Shady Local - and that’s without ever having met you.

    2. Just shy of Shady Local alas, but thanks for the compliment? :)

      Mind you, since Pub Dog involves farting and dribbling on the wooden boards that is more apropos. ;)

  8. I just sneaked in as an Impressive Barmaid but I’ll never be as impressive a barmaid as Vicky.


    1. Do you mean the fine young lady formerly of the Welly?

    2. This comment has been removed by the author.