Monday, 23 March 2020

BRAPA in ...... LANZA LOCKDOWN (PART 2 of 2)

What a difference a day makes!

Sunday morning, our third full day on the beautiful Playa Blanca coastline of Lanzarote and all seemed well with the world.  The sparrows twittered in the trees, a gusty sea breeze shook our solitary palm tree, and Dad went 'ARGH' as he jumped in the pool for that first cold shock of the morning.

I'd just had mi Bran Flakes to keep myself regular which somehow always seems more important on holiday, and I was just on my second slice of toast, putting the final touches to my LAPA map in the hope of exciting bar adventures ahead ......

Incredibly makeshift 
Suddenly, my phone buzzed and it was Pablo, 'our man on the ground in Lanzarote' advising us that overnight, Spain had declared a state of national emergency, and good ole' Lanza was on total lockdown, save for food shopping essentials or medical emergencies.

Wow!  Well that escalated quickly, as the kids say.  On the Saturday, all had been open, bustling and touristy, with not a peep out of the authorities in a British "we advise people to stay away from bars and restaurants but won't actually close them yet" financial swindle kinda way, but a sudden spike in Corona cases in the past 24 hours meant they'd had to act sharpish, and sharpishly they'd acted!  (The only two cases we had on Lanza whilst we were there were two Madrid tourists who were isolated in their hotel rooms, though I think Tenerife had a few).

Look at the curve on that!

You had to applaud it, no wishy washy indecisiveness here, we all knew where we stood, and we know where Father BRAPA stood later that morning, in the local supermarket eyeing up the beers like a boss.....

The local cats carried on quite unaffected ........

And where you hear tales of Americans avoiding Corona beer, there must have been a certain gallows humour about our fellow Dino Supermarket shoppers judging by a certain section of the shelf ......

(unless the staff got rid of it, thinking no one would want it / it was too close to the bone!)

BRAPA has helped me develop a sense of fortitude, an ability to adapt and a more positive attitude towards 'change' then I had five years ago, NOT that I'm saying lockdown was particularly harsh on us, what with the villa, seaviews, and generally solid weather.  But you were in effect, a prisoner.  Just an incredibly well treated one!

But our man on the ground Pablo (I don't know his surname) was worried it'd affect our enjoyment of the holiday, so I had to reassure him .......

(I went downstairs after this and told Mum and Dad to ensure they had the same good humour)

They were taking the lockdown seriously.  Police cars with loud hailers telling people to stay indoors (in a spooky robotic American accent) followed, a couple of police bikes buzzed about, and even a speedboat bounced up and down the coastline, though I think this may have actually been dispatched from Newark. 

As each day went by, the measures became stricter by degrees.  Facemasks, disposable gloves, and eventually some police tape went up, not allowing us to pass through the Rubicon area, meaning we had to find a different less scenic route to our supermarket.


And although the days became a bit 'groundhoggy', they were kind of nice groundhoggy.

Lining them up for later (Dad criticised my buying of the Supermarket own brand lager, far right, but Mum loved it)

Standard afternoon scene

Bewildered, and even growing a goatee for no reason
But as I sit here now, reflecting on everything, I'd rather be back there in lockdown than here in York, nice as it is to be back in familiar surroundings being able to understand what's happening first hand!

New look for my North Essex pub ticking later this year

No wonder Mum and Dad looked like slightly manic, as we boarded the plane back to L**ds-Bradford at the end of a rather unforgettable holiday ......

Who knows when the pubs will reopen and the virus will be quashed, or quoshed as they say in parts of Stalybridge, but until then, it's a case of staying indoors, being sensible, drinking bottles and cans whilst cleaning my flat and rolling a dice (check out my #SADCASE on Twitter if you haven't already, it'll never catch on!) and I'll see you in a week's time for a rather limp month end review / April preview!

Thanks for reading as ever, there will be light at the end of the tunnel. 



  1. Turns out, you are still a fucking moron.

  2. The fear is that the light at the end of the tunnel is in fact a train coming!