BRAPA in ..... NEED(WOOD) - More Laffs from Staffs (Part 1/2 : Outer Burton)

 

'Donate just £1 and disadvantaged pub tickers like Simon will be able to afford enough green Stabilo highlighters to keep them ticking for an entire year'. 

I was back in Burton on (upon?  above?) Trent, scene of a particularly drunken escapade back in 2018.  The other wordly Coopers Tavern particularly freaked me out (see above) and by the time I got to the Devonshire, I couldn't drink more than a quarter of my pint.  Unfinished business I was determined to rectify today.

At 10:55am, as I swigged off the last of my hot chocolate in the heart of Burton's biggest indoor shopping centre, Storm Mallik Wilks battering the town centre, I stepped through the magic beer bottle (as I have to do every time I'm in Burton) and boarded a bus towards Lichfield.

The fan heaters were ramped up to 11, and I felt quite sick.  A 50 (FIFTY) minute bus ride too, so I had to remove a few layers to stop myself from overheating, or worse, puking sweet hot chocolate out of my nose.

I jumped off the bus in a desolate estates of new builds, located a long pavementless side road, then down some steps onto the path to the canal which would lead me towards pub one.

Very pleasant, and in time honoured British tradition, pedestrians, most of which were dog walking, all wished me a cheery 'good morning duck'.  And you know, if you passed the same people on a high street in a town centre, they'd not widdle on you if you were on fire!  The vagaries of society eh?

The pub soon came into view, across the water, and being called the Swan, I was delighted to see a swan or two swimming in front of it, giving my photo extra swannyness.  Although being in the West Mids/Staffs, if they were male swans, they are cobs, so bread rolls?  

Breadrolls in front of the Breadroll

Canalside pubs, as a general rule, are quite shit.  Airy fairy, dining hell holes with poor quality beer, and the kind of passing tourist trade which leads to disinterested staff and consequently, a disjointed atmosphere which makes a pub lover like me glad that 25-27.5 minutes isn't very long to spend here.  Swan, Alrewas (Fradley Junction, surely?) (2024 / 3587) was therefore a delightful surprise.  The time of year of my visit may have helped, and I wouldn't say it was without tourist elements "can I park overnight in your carpark?", "anyone got a lighter or a tent peg?", "cooor, is Orgreave near here?", amongst stuff I overheard. It was incredibly unfussy in most ways though, if anything I felt it went a bit too far this way!  My Everard's Tiger didn't taste great, but being my third Tiger themed beer sighting of the week, I had to have it.  My table, with snakes & ladders board on it, a bit sticky.  And a triumphantly northern smell of stewed veg coming from the kitchen to my right, you know the type that has been boiled to within 1% of any nutritional content.   I'm not selling it at all am I?  And yet, I really liked it as a homely unpretentious place.  Even though, when I thought the barmaid was coming over to ask about Colin, she shoves a mini blackboard in front of him, totally side-lining the poor Cauli.  On it, was written "Reserved for Michele 15:00".  Whether this was a Frenchman or a misspelled Michelle, I guess we'll never know.  Horrid smell on the way to the gents, coming from I think, an ice cream freezer.  Dead body?  Good joke in the gents - why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?  He got stuck in a crack".  Time to leave, I HAD enjoyed this pub.  Honest. 

(I'm now actually doubting whether I liked the pub as much as I thought I did!  Blogging, don't do it, makes you overthink things).

I had considered walking ten minutes extra to the afore mentioned Orgreave, to make the bus journey back towards Burton that bit shorter.

But it started raining so I decided to stick with the Fradley stop I got off at.  And I'm glad I did.

If I hadn't, I wouldn't have seen this delightful little squirrel called Len within touching distance of me.  He looks at me, then looks at what he's eating, then looks at me again, as if weighing up how much of a threat I am.  Obviously I didn't look threatening enough cos he decides to carry on eating and pretend I'm not there.

Fine!  Be like that!  Anyways, I was early for my bus, the rain had stopped, sun was out, and having had zero phone reception in the Swan, now was time perch on the canal bridge to check my Twitter and reply to a couple of comments.

I'm vaguely aware of this professional looking cyclist hurtling down the road.  "Corr, Simon, is that you again?" it says.  And I cannot believe it, it is Six Towns Mart!  Bumping into him randomly in my hour of need just outside Hanley a few weeks back was weird enough, but at least he lives that way.  Here he was, biking in a random rural area.  And here was me.  Paused in same rural random area, still Staffs, but miles from Stoke, and now we bump into each other again.  Some interesting fate at work here!

We have a quick chat before getting on our respective ways, and I'm comfortably at the stop for the bus back up towards Burton.

I am pleased that I can break the journey for another GBG tick.  On the immediate outskirts of a village called Barton-under-Needwood.

I hop off, but think I've only got 25 minutes til the next bus for 3 hrs, it's gonna have to be a very quick pint.  I practically run into the pub ......

Now, I don't want you to think I'm a beer snob, but when I see places are Marston's, I think 'ugh, gonna be a dull pint and probably a pretty antiseptic pub experience'.  That has been the trend over the years, though occasionally bucked.  For example, in Dobcross many years ago I went to a beauty called the Swan Inn (Top House). Royal Oak, Barton-under-Needwood (2025 / 3588) tops even that, I may be so bold as to call it my favourite Marston's pub ever.  But let's forget the M word, it is just a delightful boozer.  I walk into the sunny tile floored main bar, huge group of middle agers all laughing n joking.  Sadly, they are midway through ordering a round, so I'm forced to wait, and I think my impatience is visible as the superb staff (kind of down in a hole so they are looking up at you) assure me it won't be long.  I prod a 'cob', he offers me a cheese n onion, but I take a ham n tomato.  I remember what state I got into last time I came to Burton, so sustenance is key.  I sat 'twixt fire and bar, a French bulldog looking longingly at my snack.  I'm aware there's a lovely carpetted back lounge bar, but I'm happy where I am, and start necking my perfect Pedigree (not a beer I always enjoy) at a rate, thinking time is of the essence!  Until I realise I'd been looking at the bus the other way, and I actually have a full hour.  Idiot!  I now have to slow myself down, and eating my cob allows me to slow my drinking speed to almost zero.  Nice to able to relax in such a nice pub.  I walk the wrong way to the loo.  Of course, it is the kind of pub where actually everyone takes the piss out of me.  In fact, so much piss has been taken, I barely need to go anymore!  Once in, I'm wedged in by a bloke who wants to know what has brought me here.  Back at my table, I pull out the GBG for the highlighting.  Quick as a flash, guv'nor comes over.  "That is your book I take it?" he asks.  'Errm yeah, I'm hardly going to go around highlighting random GBG's that don't belong to me, it ain't an addiction you know. Well not to that level!'  I think.  Though I guess that guy in Sidcup grabbed my GBG and started highlighting his fave micros in SE London, so anything's possible.  The guv'nor chats to me for the duration after that.  What a guy!  Some people are just perfect for the role of pub landlord.  Common themes involve visiting women nicking stuff out of the loos, and whether I'm a bit of a saddo going on these solo travels.  My hour here is up frightening quickly, so with a hearty goodbye to all, I leave, beaming smile, pub of the day!  

The bus arrives in a timely manner.  Next stop Burton!  See you on Sunday for part two tales of that, a late opener and an overnight stop.

Thanks for reading, Si 

BRAPA in .... PRE-EMPTIVE, INVENTIVE AND PREVENTITVE (Wobbly Wednesday With the Tickers : Huddersfield-Greenfield)

The origins of last week's unusual 'Wobbly Wednesday' trip had its roots in the Pub Tickers Whatsapp group, where six tickers all more successful than me compare notes, opening times, give pre-emptive tips, show off about where they are etc. etc.

When Jim (who I'd met once at York's Market Cat) posed a little quiz including 'guess the pub in the Huddersfield area which has only so far been in the 1974 GBG but is on the way back up', I dusted down my non-plague edition and worked it out.  

My prize, and I had been hoping it was a week in Torremolinos, I can't lie, was that Jim would drive me and anyone else who wanted it to this pub, a few other useful pre-emptives in the vicinity.  Pushing my luck, I asked if we could throw in two actual GMR ticks so I felt I was doing something concrete.

Jim agreed, and picked me and BRAPA hi-vis hero Eddie Fogden up from a wild and windy Huddersfield station car park shortly after 6pm, and off we trundled, past a very smashed up car which I hoped wasn't a to be a harbinger of dooms to come! 

Holmfirth was first on the agenda, a place I'd been to when I ticked the Nook on 9/6/15, 'twas a bit darker and colder tonight, the town seemed a bit less 1930's.  With pre-emptive options left, right and bloody centre, Jim drops me and Eddie off, goes to park up, and we head to the towns Magic Rock Tap,  Jim not bothered himself about joining us in this one. 

Top pointing Eddie

It looked massive, with huge shiny windows, and a bit of a blot on the Holmfirth cobbled landscape if you've got this idea in your mind's eye of it being Last of the Summer Wine country which is EXACTLY the sort of lazy viewpoint a blogger like me would come out with.   Inside, it doesn't seem quite so overwhelming, more Borer Natty than Nora Batty, almost like the walls close in a bit when you enter.  Interesting!  I decide to deploy my 'allowed to drink halves in pre & post emptives' rule.  After all, no idea exactly how many we're gonna end up visiting tonight, and I've got work at 8am!  Eddie, #Pubman he is, gets a pint to put me to shame.  My half comes in an oversized glass, which is a nice touch.  The staff are nice in a wiry, hairy way, a bit like boutique dogs.  The place is fairly busy, and as you'd expect from this friendly part of the world, most customer's are smiley.  We sit down, and as if to confirm my suspicions, Eddie's phone soon buzzes.  It's Jim.  In the intervening few minutes, he's found a new pre-emptive he suggests we should join him in!  Crikey, this really was BRAPA with a twist.

We march a few yards down the street, and come to this uninspiring frontage ......

But don't be so quick to judge, Judgey McJudgeFace, this has GBG 2031 written all over it.  O'Brien's, Holmfirth, recently opened , and I must say I think it is one of the stronger pubs tonight.  One cask hidden away, a stout, so I grab a half.  I've not even seen Jim sat to our right.  My Credit Card is refusing to do contactless, making me sweat as I forget how to put the card in the reader, then put my PIN number in wrong twice, get a warning message 'wrong next time and your outta here mate'.  Luckily, I CAN at least remember the same strain of 'banter' I tried on the barmaid in Tamworth Tap in this situation, and this barmaid reacts just as positively.  Love her, great lass. We join Jim, but soon, being a local legend, he sees some beery folk he knows, an elderly couple, so he runs into the street and brings them in.  A jolly pair, the bloke especially is a very chatty chap and I must confess am thinking 'ey up, we got lots to do if I'm to get my last train out of Greenfield later' so am kinda glad when we say farewell and get the heck outta here.  Definitely plenty of GBG potential in this little one, pop in a wood burner, a carpet, bench seating, disabled access, Bass, Citra and Plum Porter, and you are onto a national POTY winner.

I'm conscious they've both mentioned that Nook has a sort of 'sister pub' upstairs somewhere else in town, wondering if they want to go there, but seems not.  Also, as we approach the car park, I point out a very handsome looking old pub, Jim kindly offers to let me go in, but I decline on basis we've got so much to do.  

Holmfirth.  You could spend a whole day on the ale here!  

Next stop, another rural outpost I've visited once in BRAPA history.   This one a month after Holmfirth on 7/7/15 when I went to Wils O' Nats and made a tit of myself by insisting I sit in a dining room with my pint just because the bar area was a tiny bit busy.  

This was the '1974' pub I mentioned earlier, so the excitement was building.  As Jim pulls into the carpark, I say to them "I've got something to show you both when we get sat down with our pints".  Eddie says if its that trick I do with my pockets, he doesn't want to see it, but I assure him not.   I have to shout Jim back for a photo, he's already striding into the pub!  Come on Jim, this is BRAPA, play the game and humour me .....

Travellers Rest, Meltham is the revitalised 1974 entry in question, and like so many West Yorks rural ticks, the young staff kind of approach you head on , looking in your eyes with a big 'ey up, how are you guys tonight?!'  Enough to give someone from Surrey or South West London a coronary.   The reason this pub is being talked about in real ale circles again is that it is now owned by Milltown brewery, and having a tiger themed beer on in this month of Hull City takeovers in the Chinese year of the tiger, I just have to have it.  We sit in the lower part of the pub, it a bit vast and sweeping, dining orientated in parts, but at least opens up into some decent seating. I delve into my bag and show the guys my 1974 GBG I've brought along so we can compare notes .....

Well, no Tetley.  No pleasant landlord and landlady present, but pleasant enough staff.  Very busy?  I'll take their word for it.  Phone number has changed a bit.  Do they still use the apostrophe?  It is still on Slaithwaite (Slawit) Rd you'll be glad to know.  Quite interesting anyway to look at the 1974 GBG.  I've made another startling discovery about my copy of it, but I'll save that for a future blog.  Ale is decent, loos have a sign that is genuinely laugh out loud funny,  but we really must crack on.

Oh, one last question, do I take my green Stabilo to the 1974 GBG?  I'm tempted.  But no, I'm not a monster.

As the road becomes increasingly darker and more rural, Eddie start to come over a bit queasy, yes we've left the sanctity of Yorkshire behind and crossed the "border" ..... 

I'm happy really,  about to get an actual physical tick than can be greened up.  Eddie and Jim have of course, been before, but they are happy to let me have my full pint / 25 min fill .......

Blurry Stabiloey bowling green

We've seen it so often before, you mention a beer and then it appears.  In this case, we walk into the smart, unpretentious & immaculate Dobcross Band Social Club, Dobcross (2022 / 3585) and I've got to have the Joseph Holt's bitter, Jim and Eddie had just been telling me how well kept it was in New Windsor's Union Tavern, as I'm talking ticks I need for when I go to Manchester Punk Festival.  I suspect this Club is quite famous.  Daddy BRAPA told me so.  He's been reading Stuart Maconie of late, so is suddenly an expert on anything clubby Lancastrian.  I love the guv'nor, he's got exactly the kind of face you'd hope for from a place like this.  Eddie sets us a poser.  What is that weird device behind the bar?  When neither of know, he reveals it is a device for cleaning lipstick off wine glasses.  How splendidly niche!  I ask if that means that this club has a surprisingly high proportion of lipstick wearing customer's, which gets a chuckle from the guv'nor and a local over t'other side.  My proudest moment of the night, as they don't seem the type to just laugh at owt.  And then, right on cue, the brass band strike up!  Well, first I think it is piped brass band music, but Jim indicates them through the glass, rehearsing.  Fabulous.  See photo below.  With that, we finally sit down and after a deep delve into our current GBG progression in Greater Manchester, my delicious Holt's is done, and it's time to go.

Jim gets his debut BRAPA tick in

My Tony Currie moment - "A quality pint by a quality guv'nor"

Rehearsal in progress

Lipstick device.  Cheers Eddie!

Satisfying to finally get a bit of actual greening going on, but as we trundled the short distance to Uppermill, Jim wanted to show us his favourite pub in the area, despite it having not made a GBG since 2001, the year I started drinking real ale!  He probably likes it even more than GBG regular Cross Keys which I enjoyed back on a balmy summer's day in June 2016.  It certainly looks the part, tucked away in an isolated location even for this part of the world ......

Church Inn, Uppermill had the best atmosphere of any of tonight's ticks, and as we squashed in at the narrow bar, cheerful staff served me a cracking Saddleworth Mild at cheap as chips prices, and brewed right next door.  We scan the bustling interior and are pleased to get a bench at the far end.  Perhaps it isn't surprising that being in such good form tonight, it is mooted that possible reasons for the long standing GBG omission are a CAMRA fall out, or even that is such a hard place to get to!  Thankfully, three independent Twitter sources replied to tell this was all nonsense, and it is more a case that the pub is famously inconsistent, and (as told by The Tand, a man that having met him in actual real life, you'd trust implicitly), all pubs in the area are given equal consideration.  Phew, and good cos I don't like conspiracy theories.  Still, on this showing, you'd think it was a nailed on entry which just goes to show, you can't always tell as a fly-by-night visitor.  

The clock was ticking though and even though it meant one less tick, I was relieved when Jim noticed this too and said something would have to give.  Sadly, that'd have to be my second actual 'tick' but I was happy in the circs, as me and Eddie were getting a bit tight for the last L**ds train out of Greenfield.

Reasoning behind it, was that we intended to visit the new pre-emptive Donkeystone Brewery Tap, Greenfield which Eddie needed too, but when we arrive, the huge metal gates are well and truly padlocked and there's no way through.  A quick look at Facebook and Whatpub shows me it is closed Tue n Wed.  Did we realise that on the night?  I can't remember.

Oh well, Eddie's sad face is BRAPA's gain, as Jim shoots us back up to Uppermill for the second tick I'd craved.  Hurrah!  

Albion Tap, Uppermill (2023 / 3586) has a blink and you'll miss it entrance, in fact the whole place is so narrow, you feel a need to suck your beer belly in at all times.  I'm delighted to see Millstone Tiger Rut on at the bar, another beer I'd mentioned to the guys earlier as it reminds of those heady distant summer afternoon's circa 2010 in the steep beer garden of the Railway pub in the same town, back when the Transpennine trail was a gentle thing for discerning ale drinkers and there'd always be only 1/100th of English mustard left in the jar for your pork pie.  A second Tiger themed beer of the night too, it really is the Year of the Tiger.  We sit on one of the high metallic benches, Eddie comments what a great place this is.  I laugh think he's being sarcastic, but I'm wrong, because despite the slightly rushed nature of this tick, I can feel its tentacles wrapping around me and drawing me in ten minutes later, exactly my same experience in Burton's Weighbridge Inn two days later.  My most satisfying wee of the night is here too, trying to mimic Bob Marley's pose, though am sad I missed the snowy Saddleworth mural that the GBG mentions.  A grower.  

Confession - my Bob Marley wee pose was actually done in Dobcross before I'd even seen Bob!

Jim had gone to pick up some food, but was still back at the car before us to whizz us down to Greenfield, no panic needed as to getting the train in the end for myself and the good Eddie. 

I say farewell to Eddie in L**ds, and get the connecting train to York.

A great, productive, flying by the seat of your ticking pants kinda night.  Thanks so much to Jim, top chap,  and Eddie great value as ever.  

See you on Friday where I'll attempt to tell you about my Burstin' in Burton , probably in two parts.  Tomorrow is a very Thirsty Thursday, so time to get organised for that.  Never stops does it? 

Si 

BRAPA ..... MONTH END REVIEW (JANUARY 2022 DEADLINE DAY SPECIAL)

It started in a Shipwrecked hungover Brewhouse in Cleveleys at 11:30am on New Year's Day ......

Col obscures Jane's debut tick

..... and it ended in a tiny side room in Burton's Weighbridge Inn trying to avoid the gaze of a forlorn Mark E. Smith .....

Focus on the stout and nothing will be awkward

Both of these places were top quality micropubs, one of the surprising themes that ran through my January ticking.  The quality of the ale and the busyness of the venues were also common trends, in fact I've never known a livelier pub January since records began!

Dryanuary wasn't much in evidence, I'm glad to report.  Maybe people feel they've suffered enough over the past two years to spend it outside of the pub?  People were friendly, often jovial, at times raucous.  In fact, it all felt like December had gone to 'extra time and penalties' but without the Christmas jumpers or dickheads golden and silver goal rule.  

You might not be surprised to learn that my favourite pub January was also my most productive.  40 new ticks, breaking the 37 I achieved in 2017.  And don't forget 5 pre-emptives, many of which I will tell you about on Wednesday.  

What makes it all the more pleasing is that I never felt like I was pushing myself hard at any stage.  No time off work, no outlandish trips or successive drinking days.  Just making the most of the Boozy Bank Holidays, Thirsty Thursdays and Super Six Saturdays.  

My favourite stat of all - my 40th pub last year was achieved on 22nd May at the Hawkley Inn in rural Hants, amidst yokel tales of muck spreading farmers seeking revenge over adulterous landlords!  So I'm feeling pretty ahead of the game.

The Covid Pheasant tells me how to behave - pub 40 of 2021

I completed two more counties to take my tally up to a (still pathetic but I am sort of still a newbie, honest) THREE.  First South Yorkshire fell after sterling efforts from Christine Taylor ....

#DodworthLife

And then, despite some opening times misery, the Alexandra Hotel in Hull fell to help me get a full East Yorkshire set .....

Eddie and the Shiny Globe

But before I become too self-congratulatory, and whilst we are talking of Eddie F, hold your horses BRAPA!   Eddie alerted us to an admin error from CAMRA ('impossible!  CAMRA don't make mistakes!' I hear you say, but keep reading) which means that a pub called the Jolly Tap in Wakefield should've been in the book, but isn't! 

So have I not completed West Yorkshire?  Ugh.  Pub ticking, I wouldn't recommend it!  If it doesn't get you physically, it'll start affecting you mentally.  I can't sleep at the moment, I see little Jolly Tap's laughing at me whenever I close my eyes.  Then I need to get up and go for a wee.

How do you pick the best pubs of the month when the standard has been so high?  Well, firstly, you qualify it as 'pub experiences' so no one can criticise you for choosing a Marston's boozer or foody-ish pub on the Scarborough Road ahead of Burton's famous but very heaving Devonshire, half hope no one reads this blog, and cross your fingers.

Playing Bass peek-a-boo with Col at the wonderful but busy Dev

1. Dawnay Arms, West Heslerton 

2. Royal Oak, Barton-under-Needwood

3. Prince of Wales, Chorley

4. Craven Arms, Birmingham

5. Alexandra, Hull

Locals took the Michael mercilessly, but I still loved the PoW in Chorley

In a weaker month, I could put the next best 12 into the reckoning too.  Stuff like anything on NYD, Wellers and Boat & Horses in Newcastle-under-Lyme, the Dobcross Band Club, Phoenix in Brinsworth, the Spoonsies in Rugeley and Cannock, and plenty more, deserve honorary mentions.

Rugeley is a bit like something from another world, but the 'Spoons is excellent

Mascot News

Colin had his quarterly wash, but it has been commented on that his 'white bits' are a bit less white than they used to be, and we'll just have to accept he's getting a bit long in the tooth.  'Would you consider getting another Colin?' asked Mummy BRAPA.  No, cos he'd be an imposter.  Colin will have to get drunkenly left behind in a pub, or totally fall apart, for me to replace him.

Even more worryingly, Keane Lewis Otter (KLO), who has become such a staple of Thirsty Thursday's and filling in when Col is absent, nearly had to leave us.  Yes, with Transfer Deadline approaching, Brentford kept increasing their bid for Keane Lewis-Potter .....

Luckily, our new owners stood firm (at the time of writing, but still not 11pm!) but had the Allam's still been in and not out #AllamOut, they'd have sure as eggs sold him by now, and KLO would need to be consigned to BRAPA history.

Now, being Deadline day, I am denying rumours I've put an 11th hour seven figure bid in for any new signings ......

Weird Owl Unicorn of Driffield FC.  Need the paperwork in order by 11pm, but the fax machine has broken, probably for the best

Progress and Feb

It wasn't planned like this, but the furthest south pub I visited in January was the afore mentioned delight that is the Craven Arms in Birmingham ......

"You're so southern, you're practically French"

And yet, I look at the BRAPA agenda for Feb and EVERY Saturday is in the south of the country.

A shame for Staffs, where we've made great progress of late and isn't too many trips away from completion, though there's not a lot of 'easy' ticks left .....

It's those 4 pubs in that little dangly bit at the bottom which annoy me most.  Can't we just divvie them up between West Mids, Worcs n Shropshire?   I'm sure no one will care.  As long as I don't call a bread roll anything other than a 'cob', I will get out alive. 

The other top county of Jan was North Yorkshire, the BRAPPLE of my Thirsty Thursday eye, not to mention a bit of quality Daddy BRAPA chauffeuring two weeks back.  It now looks like this .....

And I will continue in this area on TT's for now, until I run out of do-able midweek options, and then I'm going to move on to County Durham which I've never fully greened before but am only SIX away from.  And then, when spring gets properly sprung, Lancs and GMR will be back on the agenda.

My first holiday of the year begins at the end of Feb, so look out for that one too.  I'm pretty sure the 40 pubs achieved in Jan will be beaten, the aim is to beat the 52 pubs I did in Feb 2019.

Thanks for reading, and remember six pints a Saturday (+ optional ESB) keeps the doctor away.

Si